The Lost Soldier
by Ariah Paulynn
Summary: Mainly following the story of Bucky Barnes after the fall of SHIELD as he searches for redemption and his own memories. He teams up with an unlikely ally and vows to make HYDRA pay for what they've done, leaving a long trail of blood behind him. Bridge between MCU and comics, includes appearances of Avenger and AoS characters.
1. After the Fall

p class="MsoSubtitle" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;"The Winter Soldier scrambled back up and grabbed one of his guns, aiming up at Captain America before taking the shot. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;"I missed the kill shot. I don't miss. I need to complete my mission. I have to./span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;"He aimed again. Another miss on the kill shot. The captain is almost there. If the captain succeeds in his plan, then HYDRA's plan fails and his mission is failed…. He took another shot and the captain fell. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;"Gotcha./span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;"He watched the captain struggle and manage to get the chip in, telling his friend to go through with the plan. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;"You just don't know when to give up, do you?/span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;"A small part of him, deep inside his mind rang out in a tiny Brooklyn accent. 'emNope./em'/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;"He went to take the kill shot when a beam fell on him as the chaos began. He groaned and yelled in pain, unable to move, very aware that his human arm was most likely broken in multiple places. He watched as the captain made his way down and began to lift the beam off of him. He stood up and faced the captain, confused as to why he would help him. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;""You know me," the captain told him, his face kind and tired. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;"No. No! strongNo! I don't know you. /strongI don't. /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;""Your name is James Buchanan Barnes."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;"More lies, you have no name. Weapons don't have a name. They are just a tool to be used. That's what you are, a weapon to be used./span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;""Shut up!" He yelled, striking the shield with his metal arm, the force of the blow making him stumble backwards a little. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;""I'm not going to fight you," the captain replied, dropping his shield into the river below. "You're my friend."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;"The soldier flung himself at him, hitting him repeatedly. "You're my mission!"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;"I don't know you. strongI don't know you. I don't know you!/strong/span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;""Then finish it. 'Cause I'm with you, till the end of the line."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;"Something about the captain's words forced the soldier to stop. That phrase…. He knew it. Some part of him deep down knew it. Had he said them once? They seemed to alien to him, but yet so familiar…. He heard the helicarrier begin to give underneath them and he quickly grabbed for something, watching the captain fall into the river below. He kept thinking back to what the captain said as he held on the best he could./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;"I knew him. I don't know how, but…. I knew him. /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;"He cursed at himself silently before releasing his grasp on the helicarrier and falling into the river. He swam until he found the captain, grabbing his uniform and swimming them back to shore. He dragged the captain onto the shore and watched him to make sure that he was still alive. When he coughed up some of the water, he turned away from him, relaxing. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;"I'm sorry punk, but I can't stay here. /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;"Why did I just call him punk?/span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;"Why does it matter that he lives? He's my target. My mission. /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;"What's happening to me?/span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"strongemspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-font-kerning: 1.5pt;"Who am I?/span/em/strong/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"He walked around D.C. for hours before realizing that HYDRA was gone and it would be best if he went into hiding until his handlers came to get him. He hid himself the best he could, just outside of town in a forest. He woke up one morning, a week later, to see a black man standing over him with a bag./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;""About damn time you woke up soldier."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"He sat up and stared at the other man. "Who are you?" He asked, his voice gravelly from disuse./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;""Let's just say we have a mutual friend whether you remember it or not."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"He just nodded, something about the man demanding respect from him. The man tossed the bag at him and he caught it, opening it to find clothes. He looked back up at the man confused./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;""If you're going to try to hide in plain sight, you should look normal," the man explained. He tossed him down a brochure and he picked it up, looking at it. "You can find some answers about who you are there."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"He looked down at the clothes and brochure for a long time. When he looked back up to thank the man, he was gone. He looked back down at the brochure, staring at the face of the captain he was supposed to kill. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"I hope the man is right about this. I need answers./span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"But first, I have to change./span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"Bucky changed into the clothes and headed to the Smithsonian. He stood outside for hours and watched the security, devising a plan on how to get past the metal detectors. An old guard noticed him and came up to him, leaning against the wall. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;""You know son, it's not the White House. It won't kill you to go in," the man said to him, pulling out a chocolate bar and offering a piece of it to Bucky. Bucky shook his head and stared at the man, didn't he know who Bucky is? The man looked at him weird before shrugging and eating the chocolate. He fixed his hat. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;""Were you in the Army? You have the look of someone who has seen unspeakable things that are only seen in war." /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"Bucky nodded, clearing his throat. He opened his mouth to say something when the man stopped him. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;""You don't have to say anything son. I know what that is like. I served in Korea myself, so I understand. Did you lose a limb and that's why you are scared to go in? You don't have to answer yes or no if you don't want to, a nod of the head will do." /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"Bucky nodded, rubbing his metal arm subconsciously. The man watched him and nodded, staring off for a bit. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;""You know what? Follow me. I'll let you in through the security entrance if it'll make you feel better."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"Bucky smiled weakly at the man and followed him. The guard led him to the Captain America exhibit and Bucky looked at him in shock. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;""I figured this is why you are here. As a soldier, sometimes it helps to know that even the best of us are human. Even good old Cap over there," he said pointing to the picture. "You know that he stole that uniform? I thought I was going to be fired, but he returned it shortly after and apologized for the new bullet holes in it. We have to get it fixed you know. Though he donated a lot of money for us to do so." /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"Bucky nodded, silently thanking the man. The man smiled at him warmly. "If you ever need someone to talk to son, come here and ask for me. My name is Stan." /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"Bucky looked around as the man walked away. He noticed a glass wall and walked towards it. The man etched into the glass seemed so familiar to him. He had seen him once, a long time ago. He read the time and his mouth fell open a little bit. That was the name that the Captain had called him. This couldn't be him, could it? According to this he was dead. He died in WWII, protecting the Captain who he also apparently grew up with. The man etched on the glass and the name though, they struck something deep within him. They were him. He didn't know how, but he knew that it was him and his name that he was looking at./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"He memorized the information on the display before walking around, staring at the pictures of a smaller Captain America. He knew this man, he remembered parts of conversations, heightened emotions of worry, and brotherly love towards the man. He noticed a video running in another room and walked into it, sitting down in the back and watching the screen. He watched the movie about a half dozen times before silently leaving the way he came in./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"Bucky went back to the outskirts of town and found an abandoned building to hide out in. He curled up in a ball, trying to process everything he seen and heard in the museum. He had a whole other life that HYDRA had stolen from him. He closed his eyes and forced himself to be calm. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"He tossed and turned in his corner, fragments of the exhibit and a life that was long lost haunting his dreams. He woke up only two hours later- screaming, an image of a train disappearing in the distance and a man screaming a foreign name, fading from his mind. He sat, leaning against the wall, panting for a while before dragging a hand over his face. He noticed that his hand felt wet from tears when he pulled it away./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"Why am I crying? Weapons aren't meant to have emotions. That's all you are. A weapon to be used./span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"strongemspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"No you're not./span/em/strong/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"Who are you?/span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"strongemspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"I'm you. Well, the you that you used to be before you fell off that train. Before HYDRA convinced you that we are nothing but a weapon./span/em/strong/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"I don't remember being anything but a weapon. I don't remember how to be you- me- us…. I don't know anymore./span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"strongemspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"Yes you do. I wouldn't be here in your mind if you didn't have at least some clue as to who I am- who you used to be. The man Steve once knew./span/em/strong/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"The Soldier had had enough of the second voice in his head. He grabbed a bottle from the ground and threw it at a wall. "strongGET OUT OF MY HEAD! YOU'RE NOT REAL. YOU'RE JUST A TRICK./strong"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"The voice inside him quieted down and he curled into himself. "You're just a trick. I'm just a weapon to be used. That's what they made me. I don't know how to be anything else. I just don't know anymore. I don't know what to do now. For the last seventy years of my life that has been my life. It's all I know. I can't be him anymore. They took that from me. Even with these fragments of who I used to be… I can't be him. Those fragments are like dreams. They fade as quickly as they come."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"He closed his eyes, resting his metal hand on the back of his head. He knew now what had to be done. "I'm going to make them pay. Every last one of them will die by my hands and my hands alone. They wanted to create a monster. I'm going to show them that they succeeded."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"But first I have to find her. My best student and more. She'll know where they are hiding and get me what I need. Hopefully though she's not to mad at me for what I did to her./span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"Be prepared my little spider. I'm going to find you./span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"I need your help./span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"The soldier fell asleep again, this time dreaming of nothing in the cold night. When HYDRA agents scoured the building the next day, they found nothing but a broken bottle and piles of hair, a bloody piece of glass next to one of the piles. Bucky had noticed the agents and ran to a side of the building before they would notice him. Once they were inside, he set fire to the building, making sure they were trapped with no way out. He walked away, running a hand through his now short hair. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"Cut off one head and two more shall take its place./span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"emspan style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 120%; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif;"Well I guess I have a few more to find then./span/em/p 


	2. The Spider and the Winter

Bucky found the Black Widow easily. After all, he had been the one to train her in HYDRA's Red Room Program. He knew all her tricks and hiding spots. All the places she wanted to see in the world outside of her missions. Now that she had blown all of her covers, there was only one place for her to go…. Their safe house. They had purchased it together long before Natasha had joined SHIELD, back when she was still Natalia. No one knew about it, except for them. He was lucky that he discovered she was there like he had hoped she would be.

He stood across the street from the building in an alley for a long time debating whether or not he should ask for whatever information she had on HYDRA. He hid each time someone came anywhere near him or the building itself. After a few hours, Natasha came out and walked straight towards him.

"_You are horrible at being inconspicuous James._"

"_Only when it comes to hiding from you, Little Spider. You were my best student after all._"

Natasha rolled her eyes at him and motioned for him to follow her into the small apartment. He followed her in and looked around, noting how little it had changed from what he could remember of it. He sat down in one of the chairs as she grabbed two glasses and a bottle of Russian vodka. She set the glasses down and poured each of them a glass before handing one to him.

"_Drink up James, you look like you need it more than I do. Which is saying something. Though considering everything that has happened, you definitely need it._"

"Drop the Russian Natalia," Bucky replied flatly.

She made a face and nodded. "Considering what happened when we last saw each other about two weeks ago, I would assume that this is not a social call."

"Of course not," he replied, as he swished the vodka in his cup. He sighed, leaning forward and drinking the vodka in one go. "You know me Natalia. The man they made me into. What they made me do. I need to know whatever you know about who I was before they got to me-" Natasha opened her mouth and he waved at her to signal for her to be quiet. "-and don't just repeat what the Smithsonian says about me."

Natasha sighed and nodded. She poured herself another glass, leaning back in her chair as she swirled the clear liquid in her glass, staring at it intently. "I'm not sure what to tell you. It's complicated James. You know that."

"I don't care. Tell me what you know."

"Steve hated talking about you, but we made him talk about you for his own good." She frowned, remembering how hard she and Clint worked on getting the stubborn soldier to open up about his best friend. She bit her lip and steeled herself to tell him what Steve had told her.

"You two met when you were very young. He was fighting a kid who was not only much bigger than him, but also three years older than him. You saw this scrawny kid, who looked to be no older than six years old, trying to fight off this big teenager because he was picking on a smaller kid who was still bigger than Steve," she started, smiling softly as she tried to imagine what it must have looked like.

"You came in and sent the bully running. Only nine years old, but a military brat through and through. Before you could even say anything he got right up in your face, telling you that he had everything handled before you stepped in and that he didn't need anyone's help as if he was some poor, defenseless dame." She paused for a moment, a cat like grin on her face.

"He said after that, you yelled at him like a mother would scold their child and then you taught him how to fight properly to give him at least a fighting chance. You two were inseparable ever since then. If one got into a fight, the other was right there beside them…."

He drifted off into a forgotten memory as Natasha told him stories about him and Steve fighting bullies and going on double dates.

"Hey, get out of here," Bucky said, sending the other guy running. Steve got up from where he was and wiped the dirt off his face. He glared at Bucky the best he could as Bucky shook his head.

"I had him Buck, just like you showed me. I swear I had him on the ropes. I'm not some damsel that needs to be saved, never was to begin with," Steve said before noticing the look on his friends face. "Bucky? You listening to me? Something wrong?"

Bucky smiled weakly and pulled Steve close, an arm around his shoulders. "I'm listening punk. You need to stop getting in fights, ok? Soon I'm not going to be here to save your ass. Ok?"

"What do you mean Bucky?"

Bucky dropped his arm from around Steve's shoulders and turned away, pulling a piece of paper from his pocket. "James Buchanan Barnes you are hereby ordered to report to a recruitment office to be examined to see if you are fit enough to serve the United States Army in the war against the Nazi's, if you are fit you are to report to Grand Central Station on Thursday, November 6th, 1941 at Noon."

Steve's face fell and he shifted on his feet, staring at the ground. "Did you go?" A nod in reply. "They told you that you are shipping off to boot camp tomorrow?" Another nod.

Steve tried to smile as he placed a hand on Bucky's arm and Bucky looked over at him. "Hey. It'll be ok Buck. You can go to Canada or tell them you're a queer."

"You know I can't do that Stevie. My father served and so did yours. I have to do this."

Steve nodded slightly and bit his lip. "Right."

"And promise me you'll stop trying to join alongside me, ok?"

Steve didn't respond and Bucky stared at him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You have to promise me this, ok? I don't want you to get arrested for trying to join the military by falsifying information. And don't tell me that you haven't tried to join by doing that. I've seen the enlistment forms in the trash."

Steve smiled weakly and nodded. Bucky pulled him close and hugged him. "Please don't take this as a bad thing Stevie. I'll be back before you know it from boot camp. Then I'll go over there and win this war. Just you wait and see."

Steve hugged him back and chuckled sadly. "Ok Bucky. I know you will. You'll be a big war hero and then the dames won't be able to resist ya."

Bucky pulled away and stared at him. "Hey don't look so sad now punk. There'll be enough dames for the both of us. We'll find you one who doesn't mind stupid punks like you who get into fights all the time."

Steve smiled as Bucky pulled him towards the direction of their apartment. "Now let's get you washed up. We should go out tonight. Have fun. Pretend like there's no war before I have to go to boot camp tomorrow. Ok?"

Steve laughed and nodded. "Sounds like a plan Bucky."

"I arranged a double date for us. We're going to dance the night away." Steve shook his head, bumping into Bucky on purpose.

"Of course you did. Is it with that dame down the street from the docks? You've been talking about her for a while now Buck."

Bucky nodded and unlocked the door. They walked in and Steve went straight to their room, pulling off his shirt as Bucky heated some water from them to use to clean themselves with. Steve came back out with new shirts for them. He put them on the table and Bucky handed him a washcloth before pulling off his own shirt and beginning to wash the upper half of his body. Steve followed suit. When they finished they changed into their clean shirts.

"Ready to go punk?"

"Lead the way jerk."

Bucky laughed as they headed towards the swing bar. As they approached the girls, Steve leaned over to him.

"Which one is mine?"

"The brunette, she likes art. I believe Shirley said that Bessie actually makes money doing art for others. So you'll have something to talk about," Bucky replied, causing Steve to smile nervously.

They greeted the girls before going in, Bucky and Shirley moving straight for the dance floor as Steve and Bessie found a table to sit at.

"Do you want something to drink?" Steve asked awkwardly, stumbling upon his words.

Bessie shook her head. "No thanks. Shirley said that Bucky told her that you're an artist like me. What do you do?"

"I draw, mostly with pencil. Being colorblind doesn't make coloring or painting very easy, which makes Bucky laugh at me when I attempt to. Plus supplies are so expensive and Buck and I don't have much money. I'm lucky I'm able to afford the few classes I attend. If it weren't for Bucky working at the docks though, I wouldn't be able to take any classes." Steve left out the part that he probably wouldn't be alive out.

Bessie stared at him for a few minutes and nodded. "Interesting."

Steve looked at her with his head tilted in curiosity. "What do you mean?"

"You just mentioned Bucky multiple times when answering that question. That wasn't really necessary."

"Uh…. Ok?"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but are you in love with him?"

Steve stared at her in shock. "W-why would ya think that?"

"Because you keep looking over at him with a look of longing on your face and you brought him up a number of times in a question that was about your art."

"That doesn't mean anything," Steve replied stubbornly.

Bessie shook her head, chuckling. "I see you're buying into the whole 'loving a person of the same gender is a sin' hellfire that the priests lay on us."

"No. I like dames, not guys."

"You can like both."

Steve stopped talking, his mouth open to reply for a moment before closing it.

"I take it you've never thought about that," Bessie replied chuckling. Steve nodded wordlessly and she leaned back in her seat. "It's like having both flavors of ice cream instead of being confined to just one or the other."

Steve was about to ask her something when Bucky returned with Shirley.

"You two should've joined us on the dance floor," Bucky said as he sat down next to Steve.

"Don't care much for dancing," Bessie replied, looking over at Steve. He looked at her, his question still on his mind and her eyes flickered over to Shirley for a second and he knew that she was in the same position as him. Bessie turned to Shirley. "We have work in the morning, we should get going Shirley."

Shirley nodded and said goodnight, kissing Bucky's cheek before they left. Bessie whispered into Steve's ear and smiled as they walked away. Bucky turned to Steve with a large grin.

"Isn't Bessie perfect for ya, Stevie?"

Steve nodded and stood up, grabbing his coat. Bucky followed suit. "She is, but I don't think it'll work out Buck. She likes someone else."

"Sorry Stevie, I didn't know."

"It's fine Buck. It's the same with…."

Natasha stared at Bucky. "James, can you hear me?"

Bucky stared at her and blinked a few times, the memory quickly disappearing from his mind. "What?"

"You zoned out completely. I was trying to ask you something and you wouldn't respond. What happened?"

He shrugged and stared at the window even though the curtain was closed. "I don't know. I think I remembered something, but I don't know what it was now. Natalia, what is happening to me?"

Natasha sighed and moved so she was sitting next to him. "This has happened before. You were out of cryostasis for too long and went rogue. It took a large number of men and a lot of time to find you. When we did, you were in Brooklyn talking about having to find some punk kid because he was in trouble. They figured out then, that by taking you out for too long, your memories began to force their way through the programming and they had to do an extensive wipe on you. It was horrible to watch James."

"You're saying that the longer I'm away from them, the more I'll remember?"

"Yes. But not only of who, you used to be…. Steve's best friend. But also who they made you be. You'll remember things you have done under their control that you don't remember already."

Bucky nodded and looked down. "According to the Smithsonian, there was a civilian that had worked with us…."

"Howard Stark, I know his son. What about him?"

"They made me kill him and his wife. I remembered it when I was there. It suddenly came back to me when I saw a photo of us working together on something." Natasha frowned at him and nodded, giving him the freedom to continue if he wanted to. Bucky sighed and leaned back in his seat. "They said he knew too much about HYDRA."

Natasha nodded and leaned against him. "It's not your fault James. It's theirs."

"I have to fix this Natalia. I have to redeem myself for what they made me do."

Natasha smiled weakly and got up. "You're going after them, aren't you?"

Bucky nodded. "Of course I am Natalia. It is what I have to do. I need everything you have on them. I know you've been keeping track of them since DC."

"I can't do that Bucky. You know I can't. Please don't make me give you the information. I know what it's like to want to redeem yourself, but this is not how you do it."

"Natalia I have to do this. I'm the only one who can."

Natasha stood up and went to another room. When she came back she had a big folder in her hand, she handed it to Bucky. "Promise me you'll stay safe."

Bucky took the folder and smiled at her. "You make it sound as if I'm reckless Natalia."

"I say that because I know you."

Bucky stood up next to her and smiled softly, before pulling her close and hugging her. "Stay safe yourself Little Spider."

Natasha smiled and kissed him softly. "Now that I can't promise. I love a dangerous life my dear soldier. And I wouldn't have it any other way."

Bucky nodded and kissed her cheek. "Keep an eye on him. Ok? I still don't know why, but his safety is important to me and I know they want revenge for the damage he has caused them. They will find him Natalia, and he won't see them coming."

Natasha was about to say something but Bucky disappeared before she could get out a word. She watched him leave and sighed.

"They are coming after you to James. I hope you know what you are doing."

Bucky walked away, not looking behind him, as he left Natasha's he had a long journey in front of him and he could not afford to look back. He knew if he did he would've stayed with her, their shared past too big to ignore. There was one thing that the Red Room can never get rid of whenever they wiped his mind. They could never get rid of the love he felt for her and still felt.

He stole a car, disabling the GPS before driving into the mountains of Virginia, finding a small clearing to camp in. He set up a makeshift tent using sticks and other things he found lying around and in the car. He sat in the tent and pulled out the folder that Natasha had given him. He read it thoroughly, processing as much information as he could. He noticed clouds beginning to gather as the sky darkened dramatically. He grabbed a coat from the car and ran back over to where he had made the tent. He moved as far back inside the makeshift tent as he could, watching the rain pour down. He leaned against the trunk of a tree and closed his eyes, praying that he wouldn't be plagued with more memories.

Bucky watched the newest group of young Black Widow agents. He couldn't help but to stare at Natalia Alianovna Romanova, known later as Natasha Romanov. There was something different about this one. He spotted it before the trainers did. She was unlike the rest in many ways that he could not place.

She excelled faster in the training than the others. She had an inherent ability to take the training they were given and take it a step further. She didn't tire as easily as the others. His handlers told him a week later that they wanted him to train her. After all, he was the best agent they had in the Red Room and she was their best recruit for the Black Widow program. So who better to train the best than the best?

Bucky decided to go all out during their first training session in order to test her abilities. She was faster and more agile than him, but he was still stronger. They trained together for months, developing a romantic relationship outside the one they had as comrades in the Red Room. They hid their relationship from their handlers. But then Natasha was told to marry someone for a mission. They tried to cut off their relationship in order to protect each other, but it didn't last long.

They snuck around the best they could, Bucky often sneaking into the place she shared with her fiancé when he wasn't home and he could get away from his handlers. They lived in peace for months until the Red Room found out and brought both of them in. They wiped him in front of her and before doing so hurt her in front of him to make their point very clear. What Natasha didn't know was what happened afterwards.

The Red Room put him in cryostasis for a long time. What seemed like only a few days to him, actually was a little bit of time spread over two decades. It wasn't until the nineties when he was sent overseas back to America for more of their missions in the States. The first being to kill Howard Stark. He hesitated on shooting, killing Maria Stark by accident the first time. The second shot was a clear hit, his target taken down and the scene made to look like an accident.


End file.
